Easter

I was “asleep” through Easter season last year, unsure if I would wake again. I know that my body was at Tufts, but that is not where my brain or my soul was.

It was stuck in some kind of purgatory that was one of the worst things I could ever describe. It scares me everyday that my brain and my soul could go back to that.

Here I am, at Easter Sunday car mass with my mom and my sister and I feel everything. Every single emotion. But in my throat, I feel a ball that wants to crawl out and explode. I can’t speak. I can’t move.

It’s hard living this new life. I am doing the best that I can. But the sun is shining though my car window on to my face. I feel the warmth and love of life.

Releasing feelings through tears doesn’t mean they’re sad. It means you can FEEL them. YOU are strong enough to push through this. You know what it’s like to have a good day and a bad day and those two go hand in hand.

I can’t feel the joy I feel in my heart today without feeling the gut retching pain that also goes along with it.

I talked with a friend last night a lot about this and she said pain and joy go hand in hand. You can’t feel one without knowing what the other feels like. They do not exist without the other; it’s the only reason we can appreciate what a really good day feels like...

So I’ll leave you all with this, FEEL IT. Everyone emotion. The good or the bad. The happy or the sad. Feel it.

xo