Running late

Well as I’m sitting here thinking I was late for an appointment at Tufts where I get injections directly into my vocal cords to try to make it so I can speak louder..

Anyway, I’m not late. I’m up and ready two hours early for it. Now if you know me, you know I’m never late for anything but I will also never be early. I’m there exactly on time.

But this time I’m panicking for some reason that I’m not going to make it to Tufts on time this morning, that I’m not going to be ok, that the world is ending... who knows... I can see the movie chicken little in my brain with the pig running around in circles yelling the sky is falling.

You know what I realize? I have to get two people ready to leave my house everyday. Myself and my trauma. She sits beside me always, trying to figure out how to mesh into my life the right way. Is it too much? Is it too little? Did I forget about her for a minute?

I am still struggling to bring these two people together as one. The girl I was, my trauma, and the girl I’m becoming.

Now that I’ve had a minute to relax and sit down and realize the sky isn’t falling, I can reflect on 5 good things today:

1) my mom just reassured me it’s not a big deal, we can always reschedule these appointment because nothing is critical anymore

2) Keith is here, so I know I’m never alone

3) I get to hug my nanny babies today

4) I’m writing this while peddling on my stationary bike because guess what, my legs move!

5) at the end of the day, my voice will be a little louder again

Five simple things and I’ve just fully grounded myself; the sky isn’t falling; I am here and I’m good.

Today if you find yourself feeling panicky or any other weird emotion you may have, ground yourself, take a minute and tell yourself 5 things you’re grateful for.

xo