Saying goodbye

It doesn’t matter who or what you’re saying goodbye to, it’s always going to be hard.

I’m saying goodbye to my first apartment (the one where Keith and I moved in together).

To most people it may not be a big deal, it’s just the place you slept, right?

Wrong. It’s the place I danced, laughed, cried, laughed so hard I cried, spent countless night up late talking about the future.

It’s also the place where my trauma happened. And I feel like I’m not ready to leave it yet. I can see scenes playing out around my living room of me and Keith, while I was coughing up blood and he was trying to do anything to help me.

You would think I would want to leave here, but for the last 3 years this tiny apartment was the place I made home.

My good memories here, far outweigh the bad. I see nights with Keith dancing to our wedding song in the living room, I see my dad scaring me as he surprised me to come over but just knocked right on my back door, I see my mom helping me perfect my sauce so that I could “feed my man,” I see my best friends and my siblings all crowed into this tiny apartment all laughing and having a good time.

This is also the place I learned how to walk again this year. Shower on my own. Be able to stand up long enough to cook something. My comeback story happened here.

I don’t feel like I’m ready to let it go yet.

I remember 2 days after we moved in, Keith had to work an overnight so it was my first night by myself. I was so excited and also so scared. Well last night, I spent my last night here with nothing but a bed, a tv, and my poster still on the wall. I’m sobbing as I write this. This place is where so many good and so many bad things happened and I just have to walk out the door and never come back?

I guess this is all part of moving on growing up. And if I have to be honest IT SUCKS. Keith has officially “evicted” me this morning. He said there’s nothing left and it’s time to go.

I know bigger and better things are heading my way but I’m still sad. I keep coming across old things or staring at the empty walls and sobbing.

For now, that’s all I can say as I’m crying again... like do the tears ever end, or do you grow up and you just cry about everything?

xo