The scale

Over the last year, I have lost and gained weight in the hospital. Not the healthiest way. But now I’m “healthy;” healthiest I’ve ever been but every single morning I feel the need to step on the scale.

Why?

Because I have a wedding dress to fit in and I bought it too early?

Why?

Because society says I should be a certain size?

I was talking to a friend about this last night. Why are we so fixated on a certain number? I was 150 pounds when I got out of the hospital, and now I’ve gained 20 back (which they wanted me to do) and all the doctors are happy but I’m stuck feeling like I have to lose it again.

I had almost zero muscle mass left. I should be gaining weight/muscle. I am healthy. Why am I so stuck on that number?

What’s going to happen if I don’t hit that magic number in my head on the scale? Absolutely nothing.

So today, I didn’t step on it when I got up. And I’m putting it away. If my body feels good on the inside then why should I be fixated on a number.

xo