Trauma...

You know what trauma or ptsd is...

It is sometimes something as simple as being triggered by the color of your nails.

You thought it was going to be cute and springy? But after they’re done and you get in your car to go home and finally take a good look at them, you start crying? Yup, that happened. It’s snapping back to that exact moment in a hospital looking down at my hands covered in bruises from them trying to draw blood.

Because it’s the same shade of pink I picked out the day I got engaged. the same color that lasted on my nails way longer than it should’ve. The same color that was still on there in June when I had gotten engaged and gone into the hospital in March.

Something so little and so insignificant and I’m over here crying about it.

The color of my nails. Let that sink in. It doesn’t matter how big or small something is, you can be triggered and instantly feel like you’re back in that exact same time or place.

Here I am wondering if I’m going to go to sleep tonight and and wake up 2 months later again.

I know that’s not what is going to happen this time. I am not sick. I am on the right track. But I still can’t help but think that the worst may happen all over again.

So, thank you pretty pink nails for humbling me once again.

xo